I just cut my nipple shaving
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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