found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
