I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
These tits shall not be calmed
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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