He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
