i jhust puked up my retainher.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
