My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
