i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
