Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
