Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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