We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
