how can u be prego again
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
