and you said cock pushups were impossible
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
