Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
