he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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