like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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