just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
