Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
