I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
