No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
