I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
