You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
