Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
