Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
