I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
