Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You ate ashes out of my bong
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
