I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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