matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
