I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think my moral compass just broke
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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