those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
