I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
