HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
