yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
