I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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