I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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