420 ftw
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
