definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
