so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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