he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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