im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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