I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
