watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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