The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
