ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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