i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
