So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
