and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
