dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
it was like eating out sand paper
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
