It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
