I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Your cock deserves a montage
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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