Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
