I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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