So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
