You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
