Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
